Before I went away to Momentum I got a little bit hurt by the words of some Christians that I respect and care about. I don’t think I realised how much their comments had eaten into me until some of the conversations that came up during my time driving down there, or during some of the talks I sat and listened to.
It never ceases to amaze me how we can become so arrogant about our ability to ‘know’ others. It takes time – quantity and quality time – to get to know a person. And I know I’ve written off people in my arrogance and ignorance, and know I’ve had it done to me a time or two.
There’s nothing more devaluing or that makes you feel worthless and question yourself or what God has done in your life than having something quite critical spoken over you.
It’s tough enough when it is true, but it’s even more tough when it isn’t true.
Especially when it comes from within people you thought were on your side.
Especially when it speaks into something you and God have mostly sorted because it is some of things you have actually dealt with as opposed to the things you really struggle with.
I’m thankful that I have friends that have spoken truth into my life. They are the ones who I know who are highly unlikely to lie to me just to make me feel better.
And I’m thankful for a lot of my blog community too. You guys are tops! People questioned whether I should be as open as I am about my life and faith and relationship with God warts and all earlier this year, and whether you realised it or not your comments on some of my posts, the e-mails you sent to me…they were the signs I needed to know that I needed to keep on what God has called me to do in life, which is to stand firm in my beliefs and the truths He has taught me in various ways and try never to lose my integrity. And to speak out, to start the discussion…
Some of us, we’ve been told lies about how we should live out our faith, and ‘do’ church.
We’re told we need to have it sorted. Put on the smile. We shouldn’t be ill, we shouldn’t doubt, we shouldn’t struggle. And if we do, we just take it to God behind closed doors and don’t talk about it. Especially if we’re in leadership position.
Because how will anyone come to know Jesus if they see us angry, scared, failing, confused, crying in anguish, sick or struggling with the circumstances that we find ourselves in life?
It’s a load of crap folks.
You know why?
Because God is only strong in our weakness.
The pain brings us to a deeper reliance on God.
And if we are healed of anything it can only be for His glory, as miracles are signs of heaven coming down to earth. All miracles in the bible were so that people came to believe in God. They weren’t miracles for the sake of miracles.
God has healed me of many things amazingly over the years. He helped me to forgive people. He healed me of an addiction to self harm. He helped me off a path of self destruction. He taught me how to rest. He healed my Dad from a life threatening condition. He brought me through the hurt and pain after losing my first (and probably only) child. Even more incredibly He released me from the guilt about the part I had in that happening in the first place.
But I also still get colds and sinus infections that last for weeks on end. And I still have to get injections of hormones every 3 months. And I still can’t eat or drink lots of things without getting migraines or spending 24 hours in a bathroom. And I still can’t play my guitar for more than 10 minutes without my wrist ending up in a splint for days after. And sometimes I get angry about the things God asks me to do, like love my enemies. And sometimes when I get hurt, I turn on God and question his trustworthiness when I can’t see past the pain to the bigger picture.
Open your bible and read my fellow broken people…because you will then see that God picks those who are foolish, those who aren’t so eloquent or competent, those who are weak, those who are trembling.
He doesn’t often pick the ones who are already accomplished, celebrated, acknowledged or sorted.
Christians are not any more intellectual, better dressed, more physically attractive or more eloquently spoken that those who don’t believe in our God. The only thing that makes us different is the presence of Jesus in our lives.
sure, we have never met in person. that does not change the fact that i am more proud of you for writing and posting this than (i think) for anything else i have read here in your corner of the blogosphere.
you are a beloved, cherished child of God. you are not perfect, but are asking Him to perfect you…your heart. you are letting us into that, and it is a gift.
thanks…
So well said BK. : )
BK – i can see what you are attempting to say.
i can imagine some of what you have experienced and felt – particularly from those claiming Christian ‘authority’ who you feel have judged you unrighteously.
i respect your particular journey and the fact that you feel a desire to come ever closer to Him (if you are not at times afraid and are able to fully trust your Father – in heaven?)
However from what you have posted for all to read there are some things i would hope you don’t see the way you have written them?
We need to speak from His Spirit and not from any pain our ego’s feel so that the Truth can be better seen by us and others.
God provides ‘correction’ as and when it is necessary.
“It’s tough enough when it is true, but it’s even more tough when it isn’t true.”
Blessed are they who are persecuted for my name’s sake.
“It’s a load of crap folks.
You know why?
Because God is only strong in our weakness.”
REALLY? God is only strong in our weaknesses??
Does God only want us to be weak so He can be our strength??
or does He want us to be strong in Him – to stand up and overcome our weaknesses and help others to do likewise.
Does God crave our weak and imperfect self, or that we become as His Children? Sure he CAN use our weakness to display His greater strength and glory but don’t fall into believing He wishes us only to be weak, constantly showing how our own will has pulled us away from His.
“Open your bible and read my fellow broken people…because you will then see that God picks those who are foolish, those who aren’t so eloquent or competent, those who are weak, those who are trembling.”
i’m wondering if you and i have the same Bible??
i thought God had ‘picked’ Moses, Aaron, Noah, Methuselah, Job, King David, King Solomon, Daniel, John the Baptist and of course Jesus.
Almost all of those men had PROVEN themselves to be wise, competent, eloquent and strong before God revealed Himself in their lives in the stories in the Bible, although it is also true that many of them felt that He came into their lives at times of weakness and trembling – when they felt they could not find a way out of a situation under just their own competence and power.
Compared to God we are all weak, but not many get to ’see’ God and most of us see other humans.
Therefore we as believers in Jesus and in God should be showing Him, How we are to be Strong IN Him, to others, not our own weakness or pointing out the weaknesses of others, other than to help them become aware of something they may not be ’seeing’ all that clearly on their own.
We are the Light of the World.
it would be good if we could only shine His Light from within us and none of our own weaker one.
At least that’s how i see it?
lastly i believe your last point is the same as saying that God is no respecter of persons. He is Great enough to use ANYONE for His Purpose, be they Rich or poor, it is simply that we are less likely to be confused between God and human Power when he uses the weak and broken ones than the rich and powerful ones.
Our greatest weakness is when we confuse our power with His.
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Amen Laurie, this is so true. I love that God uses us not just even but seemingly because we are broken… this is definately my testimony from this year too!
perhaps if more christian leaders were more open about their own brokenness, and the church more accepting of their leaders fallibilities… we’d see a bit more of the presence of Jesus? hard to balance methinks, difficult to be openly ‘broken’ when you’re responsible or leading other people? how would you balance this?
and i’m glad your mum is ok!
@Han – thanks – I’m so glad too, feel we’ve had enough drama in our family this year to last us a good long while (I hope!).
And I think you’re right about being open to our brokenness and us being more accepting of their leaders fallibilities. I think there are lessons to be learned from Jesus and others in getting that balance. I don’t have all the answers yet, I’m definitely still learning. But do have some more ponderings and things that I was reminded of during this summer which I’ll probably write about in due course.