Causes I support: Live Life then Give Life

The mission statement of Live Life then Give Life is

“To save and improve the lives of all those in need or receipt of organ and tissue transplants. The charity exists to improve education and awareness of organ donation and to fund projects that increase the numbers of successful transplants in the UK.”

LLTGF Website

I can’t remember exactly when I went on the organ donor register, but I remember it being when I was in primary school. I think I found out about it being bored in a doctor’s waiting room one day where they often have leaflets about the NHS Organ Donor Register with the organ donor card to carry in your purse or wallet.

I remember telling my Mum at that age, that if I was to die I wanted my organs to be donated to someone who needed them (‘Don’t say that Laura! I don’t want you to die‘ I think was probably her immediate response when I approached the subject aged around 10!)

I haven’t had any close contact with transplant patients or donors. The closest it came to was when my friend’s newborn son very quickly developed an infection where doctors at the RACH in Aberdeen were ready for flying him down to London for a liver transplant. Thankfully God intervened, and one wasn’t needed though he and his Mummy spent a while in the Neo-Natal Intensive Care Unit. He’s now a healthy toddler.

Over the last couple of years though I’ve followed The Lawrensons’ blogs, when Tricia got her double lung transplant after her beautiful daughter Gwyneth was born. Nathan has often pointed us towards other inspiring stories of people with CF. It was through following Eva Markvoort’s twitter feed that I discovered the Live Life then Give Life charity when they started the Save Jess campaign.

That has made me more convinced on how important it is to be on the organ donor register.

And if anything this year has taught me that we really don’t know how long we have on earth. Which is why I’ve had the conversations with my Mum about dying. They are important conversations to have. As my next of kin she would have to sign permission to agree for my organs to be donated.

If you look at the stories on the LLTGL website, one of the saddest things is the number of people who die after years of waiting for a transplant.

So if you haven’t already, I’d really encourage you to get educated, and if you feel it is something you want to do…join the organ donor register in your country. And make your wishes known to your family.

Links connected to this charity:

Live Life then Give Life Website

NHS Organ Donor Register (UK only)

Live Life then Give Life on Twitter

Live Life then Give Life on facebook

Save Jess Campaign

Donate to Live Life then Give Life via JustGiving

Romans 12:1

No Flower of Scotland Friday post today….because this is what is on my heart just now…

“Therefore, I urge you, brothers, in view of God’s mercy, to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God—this is your spiritual act of worship”

Romans 12:1

Earlier this year, I started a new blog – Grace Note Showers – as I had a few people asking me to talk more about worship. I think it’s safe to say that I’ve failed on that front!

Worshipping God has been something that I became interested in when I started on Alpha Couse…way back in January 2002, and ended up being invited to sing in the church worship band (they didn’t realise I wasn’t a Christian yet).

I used to get really self conscious when people told me they liked to listen in to me singing if they were standing near me in church. There was a bit of a journey to getting me singing and leading worship. What did it mean to be a worship leader anyway?

So I studied it a lot.

Not just the music stuff, but what it meant to worship God individually, with others and with all our heart, mind, body and soul.

I’m still learning.

But recently I’ve been pondering a couple of things…

1. Worshipping God when it hurts

2. Worshipping God with all our lives

So once again, I’m asking for your feedback. I want to hear your stories, particularly on the second one.

I’d love to get some guest bloggers willing to chat about their journey in living out their faith wherever God has called them to be.

You see, we’re all disciples. We’re all missionaries.

Whether we’re pastors, working for Christian organisations, teachers, doctors, community education workers, secretaries, outdoor education instructors, stay-at-home parents, architects, surveyors, filmmakers, shop assistants, regular hospital patients, accountants or IT consultants…

I really believe God is in all that stuff. Do you believe it too?

Are we open to the opportunities it can bring?

And what challenges does it bring, and how can we as your brothers and sisters support you and pray for you?

The Assassin of Zi Qi Qi Ren

And so we move on to the second of Jud and Mike’s named character assassins…the assassin of zi qi qi ren.

Say what now?

Yeah, I know, I didn’t know what that meant either until I read the chapter!! Tee hee.

Apparently it is chinese (of some sort) for ‘self deception while deceiving others‘

This is an assassin that I’ve actively tried to kick some ass in. One of the most common comments I get about me is that I’m usually really up front and honest about where I’m at. That scares people sometimes.

Transparency scares us.

We got brought up in a culture where we have to ‘keep up with the Jones’s’. I remember my Nana freaking out if anyone came to visit in case they thought her house was a mess (it never was). We go to church with our ‘happy’ masks on even when life isn’t going so great. We don’t want people to find out about the skeletons in our closets.

I spent my teenage years holding on some huge secrets. And huge secret got added on to huge secret.

Did that screw me up big time? Yes.

Did that screw some other people up big time? Yes.

It didn’t help me, and it didn’t help anybody else either. But I kept up my good grades, turning up to school, put my face on for going to work, and being the life and soul of the dance studio and encouraging my friends to drink bacardi.

So who knew? No-one until it all began to fall apart at the seams…

Assassin of Zi Qi Qi Ren had worked it’s magic.

It worked it’s magic again when I became a Christian. Every Christian had such a perfect life. Uh oh. I must not be able to be one then.

Or so I thought.

Until a few of the Christians who I thought were superhuman, always together, had perfect families and perfect lives suddenly went completely off track.

Why? Because they’d been secretly struggling for so long but didn’t want to admit to anyone because they thought it would be a ‘bad witness’ to show that they were struggling with their faith and life. They’d made some bad choices and didn’t want to admit they needed help and support.

Why do we lie? Why do we say ‘I’m fine’ when we’re not?

“Somewhere along this road we have concluded that in order to be liked by others we need to hide our true self…from the beginning of recorded history, humans have been covering mistakes and embarrassments. We once hid our goof-ups with large fig leaves placed in strategic locations. Now we cover ourselves with half-truths, shameless puffery, and exagggerations. We hide our junk, weakneses and frailties in a very large closet in our soul”

Deadly Viper Character Assassins p45-46

I still remember Pete Gilbert speaking at Imagine Scotland. He said if a journalist turned up at his door telling him he was going to reveal the scandalous truth about Pete Gilbert, he wouldn’t be worried. Why? Because he already confessed it to all the people who mattered to him. His wife knew, his kids knew, his pastor knew everything there was to know already.

You want to get the dirt on me? Here’s the people to call: Liz, Jam, Raz, Tanja, Nicola, Gill, Alan, Claire, Jon, Ruth, Adam – people from student cell groups I was part of in Aberdeen. They have all the dirt on me.

And now although I’m not going to confess all my sins on my blog, I try to be as open and honest as possible. We need to create that culture of confession, non-judgment, grace, encouragement…

Sarah who I work with…she is getting to know about my whole self too. We confess our struggles, and we’ll pick each other up on things. We’ve had some pretty frank conversations with each other. It’s important because we’re leading up a Christian ministry together. We’re so aware that there’s a bunch of assassins out for our character trying to undermine our ministry.

I know, I for one, do not like getting into the business of pretending.

So on with making myself increasingly more transparent…day by day.

For more on Deadly Viper Character Assassins go to the Deadly Viper website

Feeling the prayer love!

Thanks for your prayers this week guys. I’ve felt them, I really have.

Monday & Tuesday have been stressful days. There is A LOT going on at the centre, a lot to be done. Just thinking about it my mind wants to spontaneously combust!

And I had a TON of malteser moments on Tuesday including sending an e-mail to myself instead of a school, walking to the Tesco at Holy Corner and realising that wasn’t where I parked my car and having to walk back past church to where I had parked my car, crashing my head off the side of Cassie’s door, and numerous gobbledygook sentences that caused Sarah to laugh at me as I tried to articulate simple things to her and failed miserably!

Including deciding that 669 + 21 = 700

(that’s wrong too)

I know God is going to get me through this – whatever it is.

If anything he’s given me a sense of humour. Heck, I’m going to make the first joke so we can at least find the funnies in this!

My friends are being awesome in taking me as I am….scattyness, not able to get out proper sentences a fair bit of the time, falling asleep, avoiding eating foods that seem to make me worse (like curry & pain au chocolat…sob!) and a BK with not a trace of make up on (I look like total crap just now, as confirmed by my friend’s Dad who saw me today – thanks Dave! lol).

I know some of my blog readers and twitter followers have been praying, and last night 3 of the folks on the worship team at MBC prayed over me. I didn’t ask for it, I didn’t expect it, but I’m very thankful and appreciative of every single one of their & your prayers.

And of course there are the Elmo slippers. They never fail to cheer up Sarah and I!

I’m so excited what God is doing right now, and I hope I can tell you more soon.

I’m anticipating God doing some incredible stuff in 2010.

Travelling Tuesday: Sunshiney Cape Byron

Sunlight didn’t exist in Edinburgh all of yesterday. Just clouds. Dark greyness. Cold. Rain. Wind.

So I think I might need to make this my desktop background once again, to remind me that sunshine really does exist. Even if it is just in beautiful Cape Byron. Ahhh.

A malteser breakthrough

I feel I need to announce this.

It felt like an important moment….when I managed to prevent a malteser moment.

Yes.

You know the moments, when I do or say something a bit silly that some may label ‘blonde’. Except I’m not blonde anymore. I’m brunette.

Hence the malteser factor.

A few weeks ago I grew concerned that 2 facebook friends appeared to have ditched me (hey, their choice!) which left me at a worrying number – 666 friends.

A very wise man – if we leave out his choice of DLDown tracks he requests at gigs…crazy frog…I ask ya! – pointed out that I now have 669 friends.

To which I almost replied ‘yeah, one more and I’ll have 700!‘

My arrow hovered over the ‘comment’ button on Facebook. And then I realised that 669 + 1 = um…not 700. So I deleted what I’d just typed instead.

This my blog friends is why Sarah is in charge of all things accounts and not me. Me no comprendo los numeros. (No hablo español either)

BUT. I did realise before I posted it. No malteser moment! Hip, hip hooray!!!!

(Knowing me, I’ll probably make up for it later)

Confessions and Questions

Last week, a post of Pete Wilson’s caught my attention, (as they often d0). I have been running on empty for a looonnnnggg time now.

I realise that part of my stuggle was trying to separate God’s expectations from my own/other people’s expectations.

Since 2004, I’ve always used the sentence ‘I have been healed from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome’.

This week I’ve been forced to recognise that as much as I really want to believe that to be true, there is a strong possibility that it’s not true.

I hate admitting this.

It brings so many questions.

How do you balance that with being in leadership? How do you still serve as part of church? How do you get spiritually replenished when you can barely get out of bed in the morning?

How do you say ‘no’ to things you really believe in and are passionate about? Should you be saying no at all? Should you just be trying to push through?

How do you cope when someone gives you a compliment and it just makes you want to cry because more and more you are struggling to do what you love? How do you cope when your spirit says one thing and your body says another?

When the culture you are part of is ‘all or nothing’…how do you deal with the fact that your limitations force you to try find a compromise? Will people accept that, or is it that you’re going to have to be replaced in God’s kingdom?

Something I’ll never forget was the first year of dealing with CFS and the different responses from people in church.

On a really bad day I was rota-ed on to sing in the music team, the worship leader was awesome. He picked me up from my flat because he knew I wouldn’t be able to walk at that time in the morning. They had a seat so I could sit between songs or while I sang if I couldn’t manage to stand.

After the service the band and service leaders came together in a prayer huddle.

A leader turned to me to tell me off for having a seat because it wasn’t ‘worshipful’.

Should I just have not sang?

Should I have stayed home?

Was it my lack of faith?

And why couldn’t I just ’snap out of it’ like so many people suggested I should?

These are the questions in my head right now. As I struggle to even pray. I can pray for everyone who has really life threatening stuff going on. That stuff is the real stuff that needs prayer.

As I keep trying to do all the work I can, so thankful now that I only work part-time. Thankful I work with an amazing group of people who are incredibly understanding. Thankful (in a wish you hadn’t been through it too, but glad you understand what it’s like) that someone in my soon-to-be-made-extinct smallgroup has been through this. Thankful for social networking which is becoming a lifeline & at times my only connection to the outside world. Thankful for people I connect with online who understand what this is like. Thankful for so many encouraging blog friends who encourage and get me thinking.

But scared.

Scared as I look ahead to heading to Basingstoke in a couple of weeks time (booking a 6 a.m. flight now seems utter folly). Scared as I know that there will be no smallgroup come January…it’s going to be just little me from there forward.  Scared when I think of the training course Sarah and I will be leading January-May. Scared as I think of schools visits, the germs, and no one to replace me if I get ill.

Holding on…

Holding on to the words of Isaiah

“The LORD is the everlasting God, the Creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall;but those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”

Isaiah 40: 28-31

A surprisingly popular post?

So you might notice that on my sidebar I have the most popularly read posts of each day.

Pretty much every week since May, a post entitled ‘Confessions of an Emetophobic‘ has been on that list.

If you look at my blog stats, almost every day people searching for information about that particular phobia find my blog because of that post.

I’ve also noticed since writing that post (and no doubt my constant posts and requests for prayer that no one would puke on the planes to/from South Africa!) a number of blog friends have been ‘looking out’ for me when they are writing about things relating to the ‘P’ word.

When I wrote that post, I honestly was writing it for people to have a giggle, because I do realise that my behaviours relating to my fear of that are kinda hilarious, ridiculous and bordering on the psychotic. I mean it’s not funny at the time, but it is to look back on!

So I’m really surprised at the response that single post has gotten from a number of people outside of the ‘usual’ LFS readers that have commented and I think one person even e-mailed me about. I find that totally surreal. I honestly had no intention of making a statement about emetophobia, and also had no idea there were others with this phobia.

A few people have asked me how I coped with being pregnant having emetophobia, others have asked how I deal with working in a pregnancy crisis centre having emetophobia, and a few people are wondering how I can love so many medical dramas having emetophobia…

My friends and family could share some stories certainly. Whether I share them here, I’m not sure.

What have I started?

Flower of Scotland Friday: The deep fried mars bar

**before I begin, I haven’t forgotten my promise of a ‘fashion’ Americanese to British/Scottish translator…only I need some people willing to be photographed. clothed. Partly because I’m not a guy, and therefore don’t own guy clothes. And my wardrobe is mainly jeans…so need some girl clothes too.**

This week, it’s all about the unhealthy ‘Scottish’ diet. I hesitate to write this post, because while yes, we are the nation who invented the deep fried mars bar (patented in a chippie in Stonehaven) I don’t know any Scottish person who eats them.

But in August when my friend Mike brought his girlfriend, Kelly up to Edinburgh we felt duty bound to let her try out this Scottish delicacy.

Behold….the deep fried snickers bar…

Does it look appetising to you?

No. It doesn’t to me either. It looks greasy and gross, and the sort of thing that would just sit in your stomach making you feel bleurgh for at least a couple of days.

But Kelly and Mike ate it anyway…

My friend who was in my Geography class at uni, used to work in a chippie in Orkney. He informed once that after some experimenting with all the sweets available behind the counter (one of each kind I mean) apparently the only sweeties you can’t deep fry are Chewits.

Just in case you were wondering.

And for the record, Kelly felt bleurgh after eating the deep fried snickers bar, and doesn’t ever want to eat a deep fried chocolatey sweetie ever again.

The Assassin of Character Creep (or Cassie & the shiny Jaguar)

So to the first of Jud and Mike’s named character assassins…the assassin of character creep.

It’s basically all about how the small things that cross our moral boundaries can build up and up until you lose your integrity big style.

First of all I have to confess that the first page of the chapter I found a wee bitty ironic…

“We don’t make an entry in our diary one day: Dear Diary, today I plan to commit fraud which will eventually lead to the demise of my career, a nervous breakdown, and ultimately jail.”

Deadly Viper Character Assassins p. 24

Now. I could take the uppity high road on that one, but here’s the thing. I work for a charity. And one of the things that Sarah and I feel really weird about is that we have to write the cheques for our wages. Especially me. I would rather not be tempted to follow in my father’s footsteps and my seemingly constant financial battles definitely put me at high risk to do it unless I’m really careful. How do we act transparent about dealing with the charity’s monies when we could so easily steal money?

We double sign every single cheque. And every cheque is photocopied with the receipt/invoice of what we are paying and why.

Our accounts are doubly checked – first by an accountant, then by an auditor, then by the Charities Commission (OSCR).

So we would never get away with it. Exactly the way it should be.

And I can say hand on heart that there is definitely too much at stake to lose…

When my Dad got caught out…it destroyed his family. We’ve been very broken in all sorts of ways I never expected possible. His career is totally down the toilet. He will never be allowed to have his own business ever again. And he could have made such a huge difference – he was getting the chance to do that.

I had to apply some ‘kung fu’ action the other week on this assassin.

I’d been ill our last few days in Cornwall, and wasn’t feeling particularly great driving back up. I’d pulled into a service station off the M6 about 4 hours from home. It was pouring with rain, cars everywhere, people running across the car park. As I pulled into a parking space I heard a horrible noise.

A severe lack of spatial awareness had caused me to crash into the side of the car next to me. I got out in the pouring rain to discover I’d scratched it in 2 places.

And not just any car. No, no.

In a car park full of old bangers I could potentially crash into, I had of course crashed into the posh, shiny Jaguar.

Way to go BK.

There goes your 5 years no claims on car insurance. You’ve just used all your remaining cash to go on holiday to Cornwall so that’ll be fun trying to pay damages you’ve just caused.

A thought crossed my mind…I could just leave the service station now, and no one would ever know it was me that crashed into the car. They’d not be able to find me or track me down.

I was shocked that I could even think that. But I did. So I gave myself a talking to, something along the lines of…

“Laura Anne, you are a Christian, and it is completely your fault that their car is scratched up. If you don’t own up…How Jesus like is that? You’ve just been reading about being a leader with integrity…well, time to prove it“

So I sat and waited. And while I waited I tore a page out my diary and wrote my name, address and mobile number down on it.

20 minutes later, a woman and kid appeared at the car. I got out, and asked if it was their car. It was. I began apologising profusely as I explained what I’d done. And handed over my details.

She was shocked that I’d stayed behind until they’d come back or that I’d even admit what I’d done

“Most people would just drive away and not say anything” she said

Gulp. If she knew that had crossed my mind….

Then her partner came back. I repeated the apologies to him. He was equally surprised at my honesty and really nice about it.

A week later he called me to say that he thought the quote he’d got back to fix it was ridiculous (over £1000), and said he had planned to get a paint job next year, and did I just want to give some money towards it so I wouldn’t have to get insurance companies involved?

Guys, that is grace.

They could have been really stroppy and angry. I wouldn’t have blamed them.

But they weren’t.

And I’m thankful that I didn’t do the loser thing of sneaking away hoping no-one would find out. I admitted my huge faux pas, and was repaid by kindness in return.

Now, I’m extra careful and super paranoid about parking anywhere near shiny cars…(well, I try to avoid crashing into any cars, people etc…but especially not the shiny ones as they are more costly to fix)

But being faithful and having integrity in the small things? It counts for sure.